Wednesday, January 13, 2010

God's time machine

Woo-hoo!! I just received the next issue of "The Good News" from the United Church of God. Let's see... what should I tear apart this month.

Oh, this looks interesting. An article entitled "God's Time Machine". It describes how the Bible is actually a time machine that can take you back in time -- all the way to the beginning of the universe -- as well as into the future. Here is their proof.

The Bible described the big bang theory before science arrived at the same conclusion. That is, if you interpret the text "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth" (Genesis 1:1) to mean "The universe started at a single point, out from which all the matter and energy in the universe emanated." Funny how Genesis leaves out that bit about the universe expanding from a focal point. The article quotes from God and the Astronomers (1978, p. 116),
For the scientist who has lived by his faith in the power of reason, the story ends like a bad dream. He has scaled the mountains of ignorance; he is about to conquer the highest peak; as he pulls himself over the final rock, he is greeted by a band of theologians who have been sitting there for centuries.

Let me offer a more realistic, albeit less congratulatory, variation on that metaphor.
For the scientist who has lived by his faith in the power of reason, the story ends like a bad dream. He has scaled the mountains of ignorance; he is about to conquer the highest peak; as he pulls himself over the final rock, he looks down from the peak and sees a group of theologians pointing up the mountain at him, nodding approvingly.


The article then gets off-topic for a bit. It quotes Paul Johnson,
Years later, I began my book Modern Times, a detailed study of the era from World War I to the early 1980s. This is the first epoch in nearly 2,000 years in which most governments have been guided by what might be called post-Christian ethics. And I find it to be unique in its cruelty, destructiveness and depravity."
("Why I Must Believe in God", Reader's Digest, June 1985, pp. 126-127).

Umm... have you ever heard of the witch hunts, or the black plague, or genocide (see Leviticus 34:11-14). This quote from Johnson is only a self-serving opinion. If anything, it seems that getting rid of religion gives people one less thing to fight about. The least religious countries are consistently the most peaceful.

OK, back on track with Biblical prophecies. The article quotes Daniel 12:4.
But you, Daniel, shut up the words, and seal the book until the time of the end; many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall increase"

The article points out that people travel a lot more these days, by planes, trains, cars, etc. According to the article, the text "many shall run to and fro" predicted all that (of course, the word "run" must be interpreted rather loosely). Also, computers and the Internet were predicted by "knowledge shall increase".

Jesus Christ himself apparently predicted the nuclear arms race, "if that time of troubles were not cut short, no living thing could survive" (Matthew 24:22, Revised English Bible). First of all, the Bible was REVISED?! The article points out that gunpowder and nuclear weapons had not yet been discovered, then asks "But how could the Bible predict such a remarkably accurate scenario 2,000 years in advance?" It didn't. I would NOT call "no living thing will survive" remarkably accurate. Nor do I think that "time of troubles" accurately predicts nuclear arms races.

The article makes no serious effort to predict anything at all. Its only focus is on trying to convince you that the Bible predicted past events. But it's all just classic post hoc rationalization, and data-mining for any shred of Biblical text that could be used to support their current agenda. It's very much like astrology; a horoscope makes vague statements (eg. "jump on the next opportunity that comes your way"), and the reader later on fills in ALL the meaningful interpretation and accompanying details.

The Bible is only good at predicting the future retrospectively. And it leaves out all the details. Utterly useless.

Of course, the article finishes off with a qualifier. Let me paraphrase it for you: "You can only know how to use the Bible as a time machine if you join our church and surrender to God." Convenient.

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